hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You can't motorboat a personality
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
