Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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