so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
