i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I will be naked everywhere
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
