if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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