Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
