I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
