Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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