He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
