dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
