as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
