people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
