please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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