guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
