with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
