I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
