under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
