Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
