just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
