is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
