Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
