you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
