All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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