i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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