i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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