just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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