So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
