Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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