I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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