Duck Duck Cougar?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
