best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
