Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
