Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
