I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
