After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
