He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
