on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
