So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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