So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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