Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
