I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
