i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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