I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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