I think I died a long time ago.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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