We need to rekindle our bromance
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
