Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
