Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
