Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
