I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
