addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
