im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
