what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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