you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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