he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Drunk is not a location!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
