Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
