My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
