My hand turned me down
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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