I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
