do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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