it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
