i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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