you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
