No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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