yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize